My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
tell me about the eggs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
