I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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