he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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