He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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