Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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