he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
