Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
