I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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