omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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