she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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