she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize