I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
