The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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