Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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