omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
