He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
