Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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