i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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