So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
