Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
