OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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