my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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