I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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