Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
