i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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