and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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