So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
