One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
