I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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