areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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