Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize