just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
