Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
