We won't sleep together?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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