I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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