The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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