I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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