i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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