wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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