oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
