Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize