it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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