just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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