I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate all girls vehemently.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
