it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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