Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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