I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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