I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I FOUND THE LEGS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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