I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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