I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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