His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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