Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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