I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
