I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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