The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
