There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
