And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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