felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
