We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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