I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
