the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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