I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
