Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
