I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
