Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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