You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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