I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
