ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
