his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
