pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
