So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
