The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
